GiveAway: Simplicity Parenting Webinar

Winner of the Simplicity Parenting Webinar:

Karen of Ottawa, Canada!

Congratulations Karen!

Finding the support we need to help us connect with our kids is a great way to start the new year. Recently I posted about Kim John Payne's upcoming Simplicity Parenting Webinar here. And now I have some good news for all of you...they have generously offered us a free "seat" for the webinar to give to you!

Here's how to play: comment on this Play At Home Mom blog for one entry and share it on your facebook page for a second entry (be sure to let us know you shared it in a second comment). Giveaway begins today, December 29, 2012, and ends Monday, December 31, 2012.

Also, don't forget to check out the Simplicity Parenting FaceBook Page and Website for more information on how you can use "the extraordinary power of less to raise calmer, happier, and more secure kids."


Happy New Year!
PAHM

A playroom... that grew over time

I know as a lot of you look at our "environment" pictures it may seem a little overwhelming.  I just wanted to show you that our playroom did grow over time... and it still continues to grow/change.    

It was not in our budget to just make it the playroom it is today.  I can't tell you how many times I have switched this room around.  

A little history...

We moved from South Florida to NC.  When we first moved here, we moved in with my MIL in her 3 bedroom house.  We had 2 bedrooms to our name.  

This is my oldest daughter (11 Months) playing at her "art table" in her bedroom at my MIL's.

Where it all started...

After a move, a new job for my husband, baby #2 due in 2 months, and my MIL's passing, we moved into our new house.  Yes, we go through changes/challenges, too!  

I don't have a lot of pictures, but as you can see here our art table made it against the wall under the window.  

The art table became an "art corner"

Adding little by little. 

How our art supplies first started off.  

One shelf along the wall was added and we chucked the alphabet letters (it was too busy).

Then we added another row and our dollar tree buckets... as seen in the background. 

The walls got some color!  The art table moved to the middle of the room for a bit.  

The mirrors and shoe organizer were added.  The finished artwork display also got a facelift.  :-)  

As you can see, it STILL is changing.  The last few months my daughters have been painting a ton.  My oldest has been using the scissors and cutting paper a lot.  I wanted to display the paints/papers/scissors in a different way because of that.  Paints went out on the shelf instead of in the paint box, and the paper and scissors are now on the wall for easier access.  

Before

After... 

My husband added a shelf into the built-in's for Playmobil play.  

Before

After...

Empty containers were moved to kitchen area since they were used over there the most.  Magna tiles were moved to magnetic white board because my daughters use them to make houses for their magnet girl.  We added a play-doh section for my youngest since it's one of her favorites right now.  

Before

After...

One couch was taken out of the reading area as they seem to migrate to their rooms to read.  Kitchen was added for their dramatic play.  Peg board was added to organize white/felt board materials that get a ton of use.  

This is a playroom that has grown over almost 2 YEARS!  I am sure it will change again when baby 3 gets here in 3 weeks.  

If you start off little by little (just like we did) you can have an amazing space that works for YOU.  

RL 

The Use of REAL Tools

I posted this picture on our Facebook Page before Christmas of last year.  This was a gift for my then barely 3 year old son - real medical equipment - and his Poppy's (my father's) medical bag from 1969.

"Dr. Kit"

The use of real materials not only goes along with our parenting style, but it's also an integral part of the Reggio Emilia philosophy - where children are seen as highly capable learners having an extraordinary amount of inborn abilities, potential, strength and creativity. 

The Dr. Kit consists of (click on the items for link on where to buy).....

• Stethoscope
• Otoscope
• Reflex hammer
• Child sized blood pressure cuff

CLICK HERE

FOR A VIDEO OF OUR CHILDREN EXPLORING THESE TOOLS

RLs girls have been playing Doctor for as long as I can remember.  Her oldest recently got some real tools for her 4th birthday. Check out this amazing Doctors Office RL created....

Doctors Office

Tools

We also use real "tool tools" in our playroom:

Real Tools

- AK (MESE, MECD)

The Therapeutic Process of Play

“Play relieves feelings of stress and boredom, connects us to people in a positive way, stimulates creative thinking and exploration, regulates our emotions, and boosts our ego.” (Landreth, 2002)

Working with kids, teens and parents who are trying to cope with overwhelming emotions and destructive behaviors is an intense way to learn the real power of play. Beyond all my formal education, the theories I learned, and the research papers and books I’ve read (and continue to read), witnessing the ways in which play can heal and empower individuals and families has been influential to the way I view and interact with my own daughter, and how I conceptualize her play. I believe play is therapeutic for people of all ages, but since the focus here at PAHM is children, I want to focus on how it helps kids work through everyday emotional (sleep issues, death of a family member), physical (tying shoes, sensory issues) & relational (fighting with siblings, aggression) challenges. Play has the power to help children work through their fears, anxieties and conflicts in ways that talking simply cannot. Play also has the power to heal and strengthen the parent-child relationship by bringing the focus to the parent-child relationship and away from the problem. Even those of us in the field of therapy understand the healing process of play is somewhat of a mystery, and yet there it is for us to witness every day. The following essay is a combination of how I approach play with my daughter and some of the basic principles of play therapy simplified for everyday use with our children as they play.

“Birds Fly. Fish Swim. Children Play.” –Gary Landreth

1. Choosing Toys: As an practicing advocate of "Simplicity Parenting," our family has very few, if any, battery operated, singing, flashing, etc. toys in the house. I feel they limit creativity, and frankly they drive me more than a bit bonkers. Luckily child-focused research on learning, creativity and motivation supports the notion that such toys limit creativity, decrease attention span and lower motivation to learn. So I don't feel too guilty about limiting the toys that are invited to play in our home. J So what kind of toys do we have? Children need open ended toys to encourage creativity, critical thinking and expression of the child’s thoughts needs and feelings: anger, fear, sadness, joy, surprise, disgust. Here is a list of toys with open ended therapeutic value; while it is not exhaustive, it is a good place to start:

• Real-Life: Dolls, bottles, doctor kit, phone, dollhouse, family figures, play money, cars, kitchen utensils, a variety of animals, doctor kit
• Aggressive: dart guns, rubber bendy knife, rope, animals, soldiers, bop bag, mask
•  Emotional Expression: playdough, crayons, paper, scissors, tape, egg carton, deck of cards, soft foam ball, balloons, magic wand
•  I think it is also helpful, though not essential, to have a medium of play, such as a large pan or sensory table of sand, beans, or water to hide, bury or build.

A word about aggressive play and toys: There is a misconception that allowing children to play with aggressive toys such as guns and knives will teach them to be aggressive. But child development research, and play therapy research in particular, shows children need to  express their aggressive emotions in play in order to release them, rather than carrying them throughout the day (to school, the grocery store, grandma’s house, etc.). Everyone has negative feelings that need to be accepted, noticed and expressed in healthy ways in order to release them; children are no different. Our job as parents is to guide them toward appropriate expressions of their negative emotions, “you’re really angry and you want to hit mommy, but mommy is not for hitting. You can hit the pillow or you can stomp your feet and say ‘I’m really angry!’” Developing emotional intelligence is key to raising healthy, compassionate and capable children, and play combined with appropriate boundaries teaches them emotional intelligence.

2. Setting the stage for play is important. Chaos in the home creates anxiety in children, whether the chaos is emotional (yelling) or physical (disorganization). Children feel less anxious when toys are organized, rather than scattered or piled up in boxes where they have to dig around to find them. In our home we decided to display certain toys on shelves (2-3 books, paper, markers, blocks, dolls, kitchen) and put specific toys in bins (paint, dress up, soft animals, doll accessories) for space and functionality reasons, but they always go back in the same box and returned to the same place. In addition to decreasing a child’s anxiety, toy organization also increases their ability to access that toy when they seek it out. I quickly discovered that in order for us to get and stay organized we also had to simplify; we gave away many toys and we put the rest away to swap out every few weeks. I’ve also found that displayed toys and boxed toys change over time; your child will lead the way in this matter as well.

Shelves: 3 books, 3 animals, paper, markers, crayons, scissors
Boxes: musical instuments, baby supplies, kitchen supplies

Kitchen, light table, play space
Shelves: blocks, light table supplies, puzzle

This is "behind the scenes" in the above picutres (LOL)
Addi orchestrated a morning meeting with animals, books & letters

3. So how does play "work"? Children want to connect with us and they want know we care about their thoughts, feelings and needs. Play is a wonderful opportunity to do this while also giving them the opportunity to work through the everyday challenges they face. Our role is to allow the child to lead in play while we follow without making suggestions or asking questions. Parents can join in the play when invited or to help a child become interested in play, but children make all the decisions and find their own solutions without our interference. Sometimes this means it’s important to “play dumb” in order to empower our children, “you want me to open that? Hmmmm. Show me what to do.” Our purpose is not to frustrate our children, it is to empower them; our goal is to help children feel capable in the presence of adults who seem capable of doing everything with great ease. Most importantly, this means we need to be present with our child while they play. There are several important ways to demonstrate our attentiveness:

• Body language conveys strong messages, so our body should be facing our child.
• Tracking our children’s play  it is a way to let them know we’re present, paying attention, and interested without leading or making suggestions: “you’re stacking those up,” “you’ve decided to put that there.” “you’re thinking about what you want to do next.”  When Addi is playing I don’t usually name an object unless she has given it a name. For example, if she’s playing with blocks I don’t call them blocks unless she does - a square block might represent an airplane or a bed. So I just follow her lead. 



Addi invited her Dad to play...he's in "jail"



• Similar to tracking is reflecting our child’s feelings. Reflecting helps our children feel understood and communicates our acceptance of the many feelings they experience no matter how big the feelings. This teaching of emotional intelligence gives children the words they need to recognize and accept their feelings and  release them in behaviorally appropriate ways: “you’re excited you got that open,” “You’re sad grammy left,” “you’re angry about losing the game.” The key is to remember that all feelings are acceptable; behaviors sometimes need limits. 

• Which brings us to the importance of appropriate limit-setting. No one can play freely if they are first bombarded with a bunch of rules to follow, so it’s important to hold off on stating limits until the moment they are needed. Limits are stated in ways to give children responsibility for their own actions and behaviors: “I know you want to pour water on the baby, but the baby is not for pouring water on. You can pour water on the bush or in the sensory table.” Or “I know you want to throw the jar, but the jar is not for throwing. You can throw the pillow or the ball.”  It is equally important to only impose limits necessary to keep everyone safe and the toys intact. Some toys may be okay for destruction (common destructive toys are army men, egg cartons, paper and balloons) – everyone’s threshold for this is different, so you will have to decide what’s right for your family. Be consistent, and remember it’s okay to change your mind, just let your kids know “I made a mistake. I thought I would be okay with you breaking that, but now I’m not okay with it. Let’s play with that gently. You can destroy the egg carton or tear paper instead.”

Addi loves to paint on herself.
We have established that sharpies are for paper.

A note on emotional responsiveness: Gary Landreth, a premier therapist and researcher calls upon us parents to “be a thermostat, not a thermometer!” It is our job to reflect the child’s feelings, not take the child’s feelings and make them our own. This can be difficult to do and may take quite a bit of practice. Imagine your child gets very angry and starts to get physically and verbally aggressive. You have two choices, you can absorb her anger and begin shouting back, which escalates everyone’s behavior and leaves you both miserable. Or you can look at her anger without judgment and reflect them back to her “you are feeling really angry with me right now. I know it is really hard to stop when you’re having so much fun.” This responsive statement is empowering for everyone: your child feels heard and understood without feeling attacked, and you remain the calm eye of the storm. No one gets sent to their room, no one’s heart is beating out of their chest, and the relationship remains intact.

Playing with our children and allowing our children to lead play their are two of the greatest gifts we can give them. Whether your child is working through her own "stuff" or just occasionally has an unexplained sullen mood, learning to help our children work through their struggles can benefit both our children and our parent-child relationship. While this is certainly not an exhaustive "how to" article, it can serve as a place to start. For more information or training please check out the books in the resources (listed below) and look for a Filial Training workshop in an area near you.

Resources:

Sue C. Bratton, Garry L. Landreth, Theresa Kellam and Sandra R. Blackard, “Child Parent Relationship Therapy (CPRT) Treatment Manual.: (2006).

Garry L. Landreth, “Play Therapy: The Art of the Relationship.” (2002)

Kim John Payne and Lisa M. Ross, “Simplicity Parenting: Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Calmer, Happier and More Secure Kids.” (2010)

Need more reasons to believe in play? Play helps children:

·         Become more responsible for behaviors and develop more successful strategies.

·         Develop new and creative solutions to problems.

·         Develop respect and acceptance of self and others.

·         Learn to experience and express emotion.

·         Cultivate empathy and respect for thoughts and feelings of others.

·         Learn new social skills and relational skills with family.

·         Develop self-efficacy and thus a better assuredness about their abilities.

Children can express their troubles in play more easily than they can express their thoughts and feelings verbally: "toys are like a child’s words and play is the child’s language." (G. Landreth). Through play children can learn more appropriate behaviors, encounter the corrective emotional experience necessary for healing, and experience the resolution of inner conflicts or dysfunctional thinking.



Our Environment - AK

HOW IT ALL STARTED....

I always knew I wanted to create a great space for my son and teach him to navigate it safely, just as I did with my students when I was a Reggio teacher.  When we moved to NC, I was ecstatic to have an extra room dedicated to play and learning.  His playroom has really evolved and continues to as his needs and interests change.  Here is how it all began, the changes made, and where we are today.  Hope you enjoy!

In the beginning we had his play room set up in the smallest room in the house...

PLAY ROOM 2010


 
Just getting started




Then we added some cubby shelves.  This was how I first organized his materials.  Notice our light panel tucked nicely to the side of the shelves....a "space" for it had yet to evolve.

 magnet board

 Materials on top of book shelf...reading nook on the other side with felt board and felt board accessories



I would hang a white sheet on the wall for play with the overhead projector

 This was the set up in the smaller room....play room 2010


We soon decided that since his bed room was only used for sleep, that it would make sense to move his play room into the bigger room and have his bedroom in the smaller one.

PLAY ROOM 2011


I took a lot of inspiration for my playroom and all of its accessories from being a teacher in a Reggio inspired school for 3 of my 14 years of teaching - my classroom looked a lot like this.  The whole philosophy behind the environment is to make the space inspiring - a place where a child will enter and WANT to explore.  Its also about having all materials (typically from the natural environment or recycled items) readily accessible to the child.  The walls and furniture are usually neutral (hence my tan walls) to encourage the focus on the beauty of the creations and materials in the room.  Most of these materials are used in all kinds of child-guided imaginative play.  There are no "rules" (as long as nothing is getting ruined) and messes are embraced as learning experiences.  That being said, my son does appreciate the order.  Believe it or not, we have many days where we dont even go into this room - but when we do, oh the places we go!!
ENJOY!

-AK
(MESE, MECD)

Just coming together

 

Another one where we were just getting started...art corner, light table area coming together, etc

 

 Still pulling together all the loose ends

Play room NOW (November 2011)

This is a view of the play room from the entryway.  The white thing hanging is a shower curtain liner that we use for the overhead projector.  Its removable, so its not always hanging there.

 

How it looks today
(I put a water proof blanket under the art table to protect the floor....its not a rug.)

These baskets are actually planters (I found them at the dollar store).  They are full of various items - wood pieces, sticks, pine cones, acorns, etc. 

These are my 2 year old son's toys.  Most of them are toys you build with, such as Tinker Toys, Citiblocs, Blocks, Snap Blocks, etc

This is a magnet board built by my husband - framed sheet metal.  I LOVE this piece.  I used a shoe organizer from target to organize all of the items that are magnetic - as well as two baskets.   

This area is for dress up/imaginary play (its a work in progress).  A mirror, two puppets, and a basket full of animal masks.

This is a felt board I made.  I just bought a piece of felt and one of the thick poster board sheets, used some spray adhesive and a hot glue gun, and wrapped it.  Again, you see the shoe organizer to organize felt board accessories.

 

 Light table area

close-up of light table accessories

Peg board mounted on the back of the book shelf with materials on acrylic shelves and in acrylic cups

 This is on top of he book shelf.  Mirror, rocks, agate slices, paint tray, play doh tray, CD player

 The art corner has changed recently.  I have known I wanted to change it for some time now...probably a YEAR!  I wanted something where my son could physically take a container to the table with him, instead of pulling materials out of a pocket.  Just as a reminder, this is what it was BEFORE...

 

BEFORE

 The only new items are the paint cans and hooks that hold the scissors

OUR OUTDOOR SPACE

 Easel THEN

 Easel NOW

 Smaller Sensory table THEN

 

Taller sensory table NOW

These are our outdoor supplies.  I had to put them in something that closes because we have strong winds here...but he has full access to the materials.

This is our swing.  It was initially in the playroom but the swinging range is greater in the garage (more fun).  We wanted it to be inside because of the extreme hot and cold temperatures here. We have several attachments to this.  We have the swing you see here, a trapeze bar, a regular swing, a climbing rope, and a sensory swing that Daddy built.

DIY See Saw


PLAYROOM 2012

My playroom is always changing as my son grows, his interests change, and I notice that things would be more functional set up another way.  Its 2012 and our playroom just got a paint makeover.  I'm also making a few changes here and there.  This is what we have so far, but stay tuned.

I added a curtain rod in the art area and used shower curtain hook to hang buckets full of materials.  I moved the paper holder over and put the scissors just above it.

New refreshing blue paint color.

I expanded the "dramatic play" area a bit.  It now has his Dr kit, his "suitcase", his astronaut costume, and basket of masks/puppets.

I took down the clear shoe organizer strip and bought small pails from Michaels for his magnets.  Being able to dump out the pieces makes it easier for him to find what he is looking for.

I took down the felt board and added shelves for his Playmobil.  I find that he plays with it more when its out like this....and the felt board wasn't getting much use anymore (though its still in the closet and he brings it out from time to time).

I expanded the mirrors across the entire back wall.  LOVE!

close up of paint cans in art area

2012 PLAYROOM

I have made a few changes to the art area.  My son is really into building and figuring out how things work, so Im trying to make his art corner more inviting to him.

Wood pieces, plastic pieces, screws, nails, drill, screw driver, hammer.

- AK 

(MESE, MECD)